Controlling Social Media Or Is It Controlling You?

When’s the last time you lost your smart phone, even for just a few minutes? Were you panicky, freaking out, wondering where you might have left it?

I would guess that you’ve at least once been unable to find your device only to realize you were talking on it. Yes, most of us have come to depend big-time on our technology for so many things.

Our phones, the Internet, social media sites and entertainment are amazing, beyond the understanding of most. Unfortunately, there are spammers, relentless ads, political calls and annoying trivia that can arrive during all hours of the day and night.

But there’s increasing evidence that overuse of our screens in various formats by adults, teens and even young children is causing intellectual, social and emotional damage that can have serious personal and family-related consequences. Evidence from a variety of empirical studies show that smartphone and social media use is adding to mental distress, harming oneself and even suicide among youth. Currently, the greatest impact is among girls.

One reliable source showed that social media can affect adolescents’ self-esteem and interpersonal relationships, often leading to cyberbullying, sleep deprivation, and negative academic performance and socio-emotional functioning. According to another source, social media has significant potential to harm the general mental health of children and adolescents, and can literally be associated with changes in parts of the brain related to emotions and learning.

There is also correlation between social media use and common mental health concerns, one of the most evident being depression. Unfortunately, things that do good can also injure when not controlled or at least monitored. And current statistics no longer reside on the investigative fringe. They’re being reproduced in study after study. And many of us and/or our family members have moved from healthy, fascinated users to addicts. Like so many good things, much 0f s0cial media usage has become toxic in more ways than I could ever cover here.

So go yourself to some reliable sites  (i.e Psychology Today) and you’ll discover that I’m right. Furthermore, we have to be honest about other dangers besides the personal physical and mental ones. “The dangerous part of our social media and technologically saturated world is not its existence but what it distracts us from.” (Jen Hatmaker)  

And that’s what I want to urge you to consider how social media is impacting you and your family members. What are they not doing, experiencing and enjoying that their penchant for their phone and its “goodies” are keeping them from? How about you, the parent or other family members?

Let me suggest a few key concepts and items that we might think about adding or increasing with our children to take some of the draw for our attention. For example, reading real books without the electronics. Playing, recreating, enjoying the surroundings, talking to peers and adults. Serving others, helping out, setting goals, improving a skill such as music, mechanics, foreign language, athletics, updating the news and conversation with family

Today family meals are often skipped regularly or for the most part non-existent. So when then do children and parents talk, share ideas, successes, challenges and the like?

Next steps? We aren’t going to get rid of social media nor should we in my opinion. It continues to provide good, insight, information and fun. But maybe we could start with one change.

Whatever you do given their ages, interests, etc. keep what I’ll call the ABC’s of the fundamentals.

A - Be aware of what’s going on in your kids’ worlds both at home and away. Who are their friends, what happens when your kids are at others’ homes or even in their own private space. We don’t have to be spies or negative about anything media.

But we can still monitor or even limiting what they’re seeing, how long they’re on social media and who’s influencing them. Use parental blocks as necessary. Your kids may think you’re the worst parent in the world and so be it.

Tell them you’re on the state list for Worst Parent of The Year and you can’t wait to get the prize. At the same time engage with them at times using the good aspects like looking up info for a trip, learning something new or just laughing at appropriate videos.

B- Begin with yourself. Kids are sponges when it comes to influence and it doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad influence. Look at your phone usage and take some small step to limit it and substitute something better, something different. And let me say as kindly as I can that we parents need to be vigilant about saying NO to some of the evil, violent, perverted apps and games out there. And shame on us for playing those same games or even better ones for hours and hours at a time.

C- Control, But Converse. Talk with your kids in a  clear, informed, kind way about what too much screen time can lead to. Then lay out a plan or plans for how you as a family are going to control screen time rather than have screen time control you. This can be and should be very positive not an, “Everything online is bad so we’re getting rid of  . . . whatever.”

D- Determine other options for non-screen time activity. You’ll have to decide what’s best and most appropriate for you and your family  but it does help to have both individual and group ideas for everyone in your home. I can’t possibly share all the possibilities but here are a few places and topics to consider.

• Regular volunteering locally, for a neighbor or in church

• A  non-school reading challenge together or alone.

• Play a board, card or question game.

• Watch an interesting TV series being streamed.

• Find hobbies that each person works on individually or you do as a group.

• Develop a side-business or hustle that everyone helps with.

• Side jobs for each person to make some money and save for the future.

• Planning a vacation trip.

• Regular chores that each person assists with at their level.

• Other unique ideas. Check online like MommyPoppins.com

So I hope I got you thinking and feeling some healthy concern. You can change your family’s growth trajectory and keep them from missing out on so much that the phone can steal. But you’ll have to become or stay the manager for both yourself and your family. The good news? It’s actually fun and the experts say that as social media connections decrease, happiness, fun and communication grow. That sounds like a pretty good investment to me. Start now.